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Subverting my own instincts

We're moving to Austin, which means we have to find a new place to live. We wrestled through all the normal options - house or apartment? rent or buy? in town or out of town? Honestly, I think I'd rather be sitting in a dentist's chair with a dull drill in my mouth than look for houses and apartments. So we finally narrowed it down to renting an apartment... so that we could get to know Austin, and most of all get to know new friends. And that way we could make a wise and informed decision about the future.

So I started looking... and looking... and looking. I've looked at so many floorplans, and square footage, and landscapes, and amenities, and kitchens, and living rooms... I thoroughly analyzed EVERYTHING...

Everything, except for my motivation.

Do you know what was motivating me? Most space for the least amount of money. Sounds inocuous, right? It doesn't matter where you live just as long as you can get the best deal. The "how much" drives all the other factors. It's all about the good deal. It's all about how much space I can consume for the lowest cost.

And then it hit me. You are such a consumer. That's your grid. That's your ideology. That's your instinct.

So now I'm in the process of subverting my own instincts. I'm rethinking my motivation and my paradigm. Is consuming what it is all about? I don't think so. But I've got to retrain myself to have a different grid. One that better reflects the heart of God the giver, not me the consumer.

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